Overcompensating
Posted on January 29, 2010
Something happened to Jacob at school this week that made me remember this story from my own school days:
When I was in seventh grade, I was a ’starter’ for the basketball team (probably not because I was a talented player, but because I was taller than all of the other girls). After our first game of the season, my mom and brother encouraged me (again and AGAIN) to “Be more aggressive. You’ve got to be more AGGRESSIVE!” Our next game was against my school’s cross-border rival, Logansport, hometown of low-down creatures such as Sal Vazquez. 
A particularly *tough*-looking girl and I met at center court for the tip off. Once the ball was in play, the other girl turned her back and took off down the court. I recalled what my mom and brother had said: “Be more aggressive!!!” So without any provocation whatsoever, I pushed that girl face-first down to the ground. For no reason. At all. I received a technical foul. And if I remember correctly, the crowd booed me. Amazingly, the girl didn’t stand up and punch me in the face. I never tried to be “aggressive” again. And no one ever encouraged me to “be more aggressive” again, either.
So back to the Jacob story:
At the two parent-teacher conferences I have attended this year, his teachers have expressed their concern that Jacob doesn’t talk in school. (-which, of course, leaves me befuddled since he speaks INCESSANTLY at home.) Earlier this week, with the best of intentions (just like my mom and brother), I encouraged him to “speak up more frequently in class”, let his teachers know that he understands the information, “don’t be afraid to talk”, etc.
Every week, I receive a weekly behavior progress report from his teachers. The top half of the sheet lists various ‘Needs Improvement on’ behaviors and the bottom half lists several ‘Doing Well in’ behaviors. He’s never had any ‘bad’ behaviors checked; he usually gets “Working Diligently” and “Making Wise Choices” checked among the positive behaviors each week. This week’s report was different, though. At the top of the sheet, his teachers had marked that he needs to work on “Talking without permission”.
I asked him about it after school and he told me, “You told me to talk more!”
Indeed.
(^grain intentional there^)
These stories are wonderful. And yes, sometimes as parents we get what we ask for. We must be careful. How precious… I loved it.
so funny. i remember my mom saying the teachers every year would say my brother didn’t talk enough in class. by the 3rd or 4th grade they started saying he was talking to much. can’t win for losing.